I woke up with the thought “I am so flipping stupid.” Literally I woke up thinking those words (well except for the fact that the F work in my head was a bit stronger).

For the past what 3 or 4 years I’ve been writing (using that word loosely) on my book.  It’s what they are now coining the term “Urban Fantasy” for the genre.  And I’ve been writing/slacking on writing my book in this genre that – until the past few months – didn’t even have a true name for the genre!  What a freaking moron I am! I could’ve been ahead of the game.  I was writing in a genre that they didn’t even know what to call it yet, that was rare, but the publishers were actively searching for and I was too freaking lazy/scared/busy/playing/(insert excuse) to freaking finish it…  I mean really how effing stupid can I be?!  I am just so angry with myself…

I hope I’m not too late to join the game.  As the genre picks up steam it’ll get even harder to get published in it.  I’m sick with the thought that if I had followed through on what I was doing then I would’ve put my foot in the door before the room got too crowded.  Now I’m afraid I’m in the back of the room and there is a sea of people standing between me and the door.  I’m not saying that it would’ve been easy to be published had I finished the book years ago but it at least would’ve been nearly as difficult as I believe its getting if it isn’t already.  FRICK I’m so STUPID!

I don’t know what I was dreaming that woke me up thinking that.  I feel as if God is kicking me in the ass telling me I’ve had enough time to play around, he’s given me a talent, he’s given me opportunity, that its time to get to it before its too late!  I’m taking that and running with it. 

So those of you who’ve heard me talk about writing (and are probably sick of it) but never see anything.  I’m back on it and I’m attacking it with GUSTO!  I will not be derailed.  I will finish this.  I will not waste any more time.  This is my dream and I’m angry at myself for not pursuing it with more determination.  I’ve been taking measures to improve myself and I’ve let this area of self-improvement fall by the wayside.  NO MORE!  My mantra: Writer’s Write. 

So I’ll be writing.  I’m making myself the promise that I will write everyday for at least an hour.  I plan to do more but giving myself at least an hour means I can’t do less. I’ve said that before but this time is different. 

This time I can feel it cement in me, this determination isn’t a passing fancy.  It’s a part of me and I will do it. I’m writing!